they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
