Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
