I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
