drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
