Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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