I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
