you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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