I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
