Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
