Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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