he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
