That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
