he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
