What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
