My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
