I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
