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I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
