i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
