how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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