She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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