Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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