i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
