If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
