and you said cock pushups were impossible
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
