hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The best revenge is premature balding
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
