I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
