Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
