Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
