evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
