I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
