when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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