I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
