you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
