I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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