Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
