i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
