I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
