in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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