Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
