My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
wow bdsm is so cute
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
