Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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