I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
