I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
