Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
