Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just pee around me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
