I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
