i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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