Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
