Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
