Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
